Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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