I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
