So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
