These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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