Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dicks are not precious.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
FUCK WHALES
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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