he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
