I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
