Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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