Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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