Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
