I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
