Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
