I just threw up on my dentist
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
false alarm, still single
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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