I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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