so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Your penis caused this!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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