So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
