CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
