Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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