I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
