you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
