I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
