i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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