when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
