The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
