She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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