It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
