A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
