No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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