So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
