There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
