Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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