10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
