another moral hangover. fuck.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
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All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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