No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
