i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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