ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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