Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
