Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
