I heard we made out
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So vagazzling was a success
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
