i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
