Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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