did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
