yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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