its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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