If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
