Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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