Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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