omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
