woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
