She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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