He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
