Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
