Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
