Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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