haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
