Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
