farters have to be the big spoon...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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