yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
