God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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