Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
