She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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